Good Night

~ Artifitial Life, 2003


Oh what a good night. I love it so much when they start to come together, at least some of them. I still need to detail them, so much effort it takes when they require detail. It can be tedious at times but the payoff is worth it, . . . sometimes.
Some large canvases have been started, and the butte will begin, 3.5 x 4.5 ratio canvas is all I need. One painting has come up. Not necessarily finished, but I'm checking it out.
I'm immersed in the painting in the studio, falls all around me. With so much that has happened to me, especially in the last few months, I feel these images have matured with me in my catharsis. I have had Atrial Fibrillation 4 weeks ago and with the pacemaker 3 years ago I have had a renewed sense of mortality. The trail of paintings have led me up a path of understanding in my own life, a vehicle to kneed out my emotions and blend them into more solid, more insightful awareness of my lot. Now with the Falls I feel an outflow of energy with the world, an effect that reconciles my fears and hope with a life I had no real control over. But like singing, that belts out only to disperse into the air, these falls flow out, spilling out, relieving me of the ruminate stress of my heart.
"Right now I can't feel my Artifical Valve, I know its there but I can't feel it's clicks."

Love On

- j

The Mind

~ The Butte, Southwestern Arizona

Oh, been a while. Work, Kids, the Mind, it all keeps me so busy. Where did I find time to drink, I mean really?

Designing Card now. Thinking about design of space. Which paintings do I bring? Well all of them and see which don't fit, perhaps.

I looked in my white paint bucket, and the acrylic was separated. I have other white, but this one I haven't used in, oh, five years? A full gallon of paint. I spread it out on the palette and it had a great texture, speckled like when you put sand in the pigment. I used it.

I hope it doesn't peel off the canvas in 10 years.

Love On.

-j

I'm at the hard spot.

- Desecheo, Puerto Rico.


This is the place I get when it gets hard. Several paintings are at the spot where they don't work. I either have too much going on or not enough. I know I need one center design element to focus on. When they get too cluttered I have to brush across and change the focus. But it gets scary, to change what I've work hard on for a while. Things I've pushed and pulled, back and forth and have to scrap.
Energy is the cause. I have to get rest. Creativity comes when I'm rested and have internal energy.
Also, I need to bring in other concepts, look at other art. Branch out.

Wish me luck!

- j

Details Emerge.

Plucking the little stokes on to the surface.

Must Paint,...I must Paint. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

- j

Meaning? We don't need no stinkin' meaning!

Paintings don't exist. They just get made out of my actions. With each mark I put on the canvas the meaning begins to create itself. Any preconceived idea I had interm's of subject matter or meaning in the painting is lost by the effect of whatever my marks create. I'm constantly losing or gaining the intended meaning or feel of the painting as I paint it. "Damn, I lost it again." With the "wrong" brush stroke the feeling or mood of it is gone, but another emerges. That's the great thing about it, I love finding another mood or feel that I did not anticipate. The painting then takes on its own existence, its own identity. I still have to make sure it meets my sensibilities, but quite frankly it's not my creation. There is no way for me to anticipate the out come of my paints, at least using the method I use to paint.

Thanks.

- j